The Story of How I Got Engaged!
I would like to begin this story with a little background information. I met “Smitty” as I will call him, back in 2013 when I was running half marathons for a charity organization and he happened to be one of the coaches. At that time, I was dating someone else and as it so happened, Smitty was dating my other coach. The moment I met him, I knew there was something about him, what that was though, I would find out later on. Fast forward to October 2016, when it was time for the half marathon to take place and due to some health issues, I was unable to participate. I still volunteered to help out, so I was at the Convention Center in Los Angeles the day before the race to help out at the expo. I ran into the woman who I would soon find out was now Smitty’s ex, and the coach and said hi. I asked her how she was doing and inquired as to where “Smitty” was. She told me that she did not want to talk about it and he was over at another location. I of course being newly singly myself, made a bee-line for Smitty to say hi. When he saw me, he commented that I wasn’t running again and I told him that the doctors said no as I was to have surgery in January. He told me to let him know how it went and that was that.
Fast forwarding some more, its now a week after my surgery and I cannot sleep and am up in the middle of the night. I go on my phone and am on Facebook and I happen to see Smitty online. Curious as to why he was up as well, I messaged him and started a conversation. The date was January 23, 2017. Smitty worked as an EMT in the Emergency Room at a local hospital and was on the night shift, so he was up. He asked me how my surgery went and little would I know that that first conversation, would kick start what would soon become a relationship and lead me to my happily ever after. Ok, im getting carried away….Smitty and I began to talk pretty much every day, after a few days, I gave him my number and we began texting back and forth. We literally spoke for a month straight, taking the the time to get to know one another, before he FINALLY asked me if I wanted to go on an actual date (I literally remember saying to myself…took ya long enough). We had our first date on February 22, 2017. Our first date took place at Taco Surf on 2nd street followed up by some champagne at Michaels Pizzeria on 2nd. That night as Smitty was walking me up to my porch, I remember standing on the steps as he stole a kiss before going home. Something about that kiss, I remember going to sleep that night feeling his lips on mine and his arms around my back. Little did I know going to sleep that night, that I had finally found my Happily Ever After, the person who was going to show me that I am worthy of love and worthy of being wanted and desired, little did I know that I had finally found my person.
Smitty quickly became a part of my family and I became a part of his. He wanted to go to football games with me and quickly became the bigger USC fan than my family. He loves to travel, so he took me to Chicago for the USC vs Notre Dame game which was happened to be my first time going to Chicago. I quickly found a love for adventure and traveling through Smitty and wanted to explore more. Smitty took me on my very first cruise and absolutely loved every minute of it. I knew as time continued to go by that I was falling for him more and more. We started saving up to move out together and in June of 2020 we found a place and moved in together in July of 2020.
Ive never had a home with someone other than my family before, a place that was my own to share with the man I love. We got to celebrate holidays in our home together, a first for me and every moment of it was more surreal than the previous ones. Building our home together and making our own memories together and creating a solid foundation to continue to build on is something I had only dreamed and wished for before. Now, it was a reality, one that I still find myself catching my breath over.
After our four year anniversary, I started becoming more and more impatient wanting to know if Smitty and I were going to ever take the next leap forward with each other by getting engaged. I began to feel like I was just going along for the ride with no real destination insight. At the same time, I would keep reminding myself that Smitty was not only working full time as a first responder, but he was going to school full time to become a nurse and move up in life. I was afraid of getting hurt again and at the same time knew that he was my person. During a week off break from school, Smitty told me that we needed to get away, that we were going to go to Palm Springs for a week and take a break. I started to allow myself to think that maybe he was going to propose to me during this vacation, I mean, what on earth was he waiting for? So, off we went to Palm Springs for our vacation. That trip was a lot of fun and really good for the two of us to just get away and focus on one another. As the trip drew closer to the end, he had not proposed yet and I was beginning to lose hope that it was going to happen. I remember getting home from our trip, without an engagement and telling my bestie that I was over it…it was either going to happen one day or it wasn’t, but that I needed to put my focus on other things that were going on in our lives.
A few days after we had gotten back from Palm Springs, I got home later than normal and Smitty was waiting to talk to me, it was Thursday, June 17th, 2021. He went on to tell me that he needed me to block off time on Saturday from 11am-4pm. When I asked him what Saturday, he went on to tell me “this Saturday coming up”. I told him that I was unable to do that because I actually had some work that weekend and that I was sorry. I asked him what was going on and why I needed to block off time and he went on to tell me that he didn’t think we were in a good place, that he didn’t feel we were on the same page and that we needed the time to “reconnect”. I was taken aback to say the least, I mean we had just gone on a vacation together. I remember saying to Smitty, “we just went on a week long vacation together, were we not on the same trip? What is going on? Are you breaking up with me?” Smitty went on to tell me how I have been telling him how we no longer go and do things together and how there isn’t any spontaneity with everything going on so he was listening to me and doing just that. Oh how I was so irritated and annoyed with him…I honestly had no clue what was going on, but I sure as heck re-arranged my schedule and blocked out that time. I went on to ask him what we were going to be doing so I could pack stuff with me and I was told that I didn’t need to worry about it, he would bring me what I would need. I left for work the next day, Friday June 18th and was still irritated and annoyed, but more importantly, I was now focused on what the hell was going on in my relationship. Later that day, Smitty called me to tell me what we would be doing Saturday during that time that was blocked off…we were going to take a tour of the Coliseum- an exclusive tour. I became irritated again…for the life of me I could not figure out why we needed to go on a tour of a place that we go to regularly. I proceeded to ask him “why do we need go to the Coliseum, its not like we have never been there before?!” Smitty went on to tell me that he thought it was something fun we could do and then afterwards we could go to the bookstore and get new gear as football was back in the fall. I remember saying to him “oh so this is stuff that you want to do??” He replied with, “well yes, its more for me than you, but since its something we do together, I thought we could go on the tour and then after the bookstore, we will go on a picnic to discuss our relationship!!!!!” I remember thinking “oh goody I cannot wait!” So Saturday comes around and I am in such a great mood waiting to go on this tour of a place I have been too a million times, then to the bookstore and then this picnic to discuss our relationship. Smitty picks me up and off we go!!!
We arrive at the Coliseum and make our way onto the Coliseum to start this tour. We were the only ones there, and there we were greeted by our tour guide, Tina. She had us drive onto the Coliseum and follow her to the Peristyle where we parked the car and got out. Tina went on to ask me what I knew about the Coliseum, and I told her “other than USC football playing here, thats about it”. She chuckled and went on to give us some history on the Coliseum and the Peristyle. She told Smitty and I that we should take some pictures at the Peristyle because how often are we there when no one else is, that is true I thought so Smitty and I walked down to look at the field and take some pictures. Tina took Smitty’s phone to snap pictures and as were are standing on the deck, Smitty begins pointing out where are seats are (I know where are seats are) and then pointing out stuff on the field. I remember looking over to where the suites are and asking Smitty if that is what was done when all the construction was going on. Smitty said yes and then when I turned back to look at him, he had gotten down on one knee!!! I remember Smitty saying that he brought me here because he wanted to ask me something, and I just remember blurting out that “I hated him so much” I kept saying it! I mean here is proposing and I was so worried that our relationship was in trouble. Come to find out he set the entire thing up so I wouldn’t have a clue and it worked. On June 19, 2021 at 12:12pm, we got engaged. In all of the commotion, Smitty never technically asked me to be his, but I said yes and he slipped that ringer on my finger. After he got up and we kissed, I heard someone yelling, “WHAT DID SHE SAY?” I remember looking over my shoulder, not really seeing anyone and saying back “YES” and looking at Smitty and asking who the hell was that. He asked me who I thought it was and I told him “Coliseum staff?” He laughed and said “Coliseum staff? Really?? Its your family and my family waiting for us in the Presidential Suite”. I was just blown away (and still am) that this man picked me! He chose me!! He did all of this for me and for us and to show me how he truly feels!!!
I am still in shock that I am engaged! I am getting married and I have finally found my forever person!!!!! June 19, 2021 at 12:12pm will forever hold a special place in my heart!!!
When Sorry Does Not Cut It
When sorry does not cut it
When sorry is not enough
When your heart is broken in pieces
When each second is too much
How do you fix it?
How do you make it right?
When your head is spinning so fast
Making sense of it all to pray for some light
When all the questions start racing
Across your clouded mind
When every scenario gets played out
Trying to see where you had no sight
When your fear is getting stronger
Your heart is breaking more
When you cannot seem to take another breath
You ask what was this all for?
To wind up having fears confirmed,
To hearing the truth come out
The confusion and the pain are too much
I just want to shout
Someone help me through this
Someone lead the way
Someone tell me why
The need for all this pain
What lessons did I need to learn
What more heartache must I bare
I am so tired
I want to dream
There is often clarity there
Written 12/4/15
Lessons
They say that life is a journey, full of lessons painful like a needle to the vein
Pretty soon you will be a memory, a mere blink in the brain
All the hurt will be gone
Removed from me like a stain
You will wash away with the pouring rain
As the rain pours, my heart is whole once more
Loss of Innocence
You’re as happy as can be
Nothing can go wrong
One day it happens, you can’t believe
Men in uniforms carrying guns shouted
“Leave behind your gold and jewels
Take nothing with you but food”
You think nothing else can go wrong
But the truth is everything has just begun
You’re loaded into wagons
There is no room to breathe
Where is God now you ask?
You don’t understand why this is happening
You can’t believe that your God is leaving
You feel he is standing by and watching
Do nothing to help you, he is just letting you die
You reach your destination
You’re separated from your family
Girls to the left, boys to the right
You see fire, you smell burning flesh
Men yell, “get undressed”
They stand and watch looking
For the weak and strong
You are taken into a barrack where you are given a shower
What did I do wrong?
As you are herded into the next barrack
Torn rags and shoes are tossed to you
The next barrack is the worst
The soldiers take needles and engrave in your arm
A letter and number
You have no name
Just a number
Your identity is lost, your hope is gone
There is nowhere to run
You’re stuck
You look up in the sky and see a butterfly flying free
You ask, why can’t that be me?
You are beaten badly, so badly you bleed
You see your family killed and you are all alone
A man comes up and holds you in his arms
Till the shaking is gone
Every time your eyes close, you see your family being killed by the guns
You are 16 and your innocence is lost
It was lost the moment you were shipped away
The SS men approach my new family and take away their food
Why are these people so harsh and rude?
So many innocent men and children are being killed by these heartless people
We are treated worse than animals
We barely get any food
If someone stops because they are tired
They are slaughtered
I saw a mother and baby killed
In my heart, anger and revenge slowly filled what was left inside
I wish more than anything to be free again
I saw a butterfly today and it flew right on by
I begged it to land and stay, but there are no butterflies where we are forced to stay
1995-96
Butterflies
My first tattoo was a butterfly
I fell in love with what butterflies represented
A butterfly starts off as a caterpillar, simple and basic
When the caterpillar has had enough, when it feels like there is nothing more for it to see or do
The caterpillar wraps its self up in a protective shell, isolated from the outside world; a vacation if you will
When the vacation is over, out emerges, a butterly
The butterfly has the ability to see things in a new light
The butterfly has the ability to have new adventures
The fact remains that the caterpillar and the butterfly are still one and the same, the caterpillar just evolved
Thank You For…
Thank you for the lessons, the journeys along the way Thank you for the blessings & the gifts you have thrown my way Thank you for the reminder that I am where I am supposed to be Thank you for showing me It is a blessing to JUST BE ME 4/12/18
The Journey Begins
Thanks for joining me!
Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton
