The Garden That Wouldn’t Grow

There once was a couple who decided to plant a garden.

They chose their seeds carefully—dreams of laughter, tiny footsteps, bedtime stories, and sticky fingers. They cleared the soil with excitement, imagining what would bloom. Everyone around them seemed to have gardens already—lush, overflowing, almost effortless.

“Just plant the seeds,” people said. “It’ll happen.”

So they did.

They watered. They waited.

Nothing.

At first, it felt like patience. Then it became confusion.

They checked the soil—maybe it needed more sunlight. Maybe more water. Maybe less. They read books, asked experts, followed every instruction down to the smallest detail.

Still nothing.

Meanwhile, all around them, gardens bloomed. Some grew wild without effort. Others blossomed overnight. They smiled and celebrated those gardens—they truly did—but each celebration quietly echoed in the empty space of their own.

They began to wonder if they had done something wrong.

Maybe the soil was flawed.
Maybe the seeds were broken.
Maybe they weren’t meant to grow anything at all.

Seasons changed.

Spring became summer. Summer faded into fall. And with each passing cycle, hope would rise—just a little—only to fall again, heavier than before.

People tried to help, in the ways people do.

“Relax.”
“Stop trying so hard.”
“It’ll happen when you least expect it.”

But those words, though well-meaning, landed like pebbles on already bruised skin. Because behind the scenes, this wasn’t just a garden anymore—it was a full-time labor of heart and mind.

There were early mornings filled with quiet calculations.
There were appointments that felt both hopeful and terrifying.
There were moments of guarded excitement followed by silent grief no one else could see.

The couple learned a new kind of language—one made of numbers, timing, waiting, and uncertainty. A language that rarely translated to the outside world.

And the hardest part?

They never stopped wanting the garden.

Even when it hurt.
Even when it felt impossible.
Even when hope felt dangerous.

They carried both hope and grief at the same time—an impossible weight. Hoping this would be the season… while bracing for it not to be.

Some days, they avoided gardens altogether.
Other days, they stood in them, smiling, while quietly wondering, Why not us?

They grieved things that hadn’t happened yet.
They feared futures they couldn’t control.
They questioned themselves in ways they never had before.

And yet… they kept tending the soil.

Because infertility isn’t just the absence of something—it’s the presence of everything:

The hope that refuses to die
The fear that it might never happen
The exhaustion of trying again
The courage it takes to keep going
The grief no one sees
The love that already exists for someone not yet here

Over time, they realized something important:

This garden, though different, was not empty.

It was filled with resilience.
With quiet bravery.
With a depth of love that had nowhere to go—but still existed, powerfully.

And while they didn’t know how their story would end—whether their garden would bloom in the way they first imagined, or in a completely different way—they understood this:

They were not alone.

There were countless others, standing in their own gardens, tending soil that wouldn’t yet grow, carrying the same invisible weight, asking the same silent questions.

And maybe, just maybe, by sharing their story…
others would feel seen standing in theirs.

I Hope You Know

Dearest Lynne,

I think it is time that I let you know just how much you mean to me. So here it goes…

We met when I was eighteen years old…Sar joined the swim team at a young age of five…they were the youngest on the team, and the one who swam the hardest. I was asked shortly after meeting to babysit the two kids…Sar had a little sister who was about two and a half when we met. I was so excited for this opportunity and shortly after our first few babysitting sessions, I found myself over almost every weekend and soon after, your house became a second home.

Being a part of your family was second nature to me and one of the highest joys of my life (and still is).

And then there were three…pretty soon another little one came into the picture and I was given the joy of having him to take care of starting at a mere four weeks old. I will always be grateful for the gift of being able to watch the kiddos.

Some of the best times in my life were with you and Jon and the kids. The Disney parties we had and adventures will stay with me and are things I hope to be able to do with my little one. Being able to be a part of the kids lives as they grew up and being a part of major milestones with them as part of the family will be memories I treasure.

Lynne,

You became like a second mother to me, especially during times when my relationship with my mom was rocky. You always listened and even when you felt that I had messed up, I never felt judged. You believed in me when a lot of the time, I could not and did not believe in myself. You showed up in ways I never knew I needed. When I first found out I was pregnant, you were so happy and could not wait to come up with your name for the little one…you and Jon. When things did not turn out the way we had hoped, you were there. Then when the journey to have a child went a different way, you always were there supporting and cheering me on and when you found out we were having a boy, you laughed with me at my hesitation for being a boy mama, and promised me there was nothing like the love between a mama and her boy. Seeing you hold my son and being his Nana, was the greatest gift you could have ever given to me besides being part of your family.

Watching you as a mom and the way you showed up for the kids and pushed them and created a space for each of them to become the amazing humans they are, is something I have always been in awe of and strived to be as a mama.

We talk about you all the time! Owen will look up and ask where Nana is, and where did she go and I like to hope in those moments, you are visiting him.

Lynne, you are one of the strongest women I know and someone I hold as a role model and hero. I strive to be the type of mom that you were- always there for you kids, always there to listen and hold space for them to be vulnerable. A space where they can also learn the hardships in life and the hardships of adulting.

I hope to make you proud and to be the mama you always knew I could be. You will live on in the lives of all who were blessed to get to know you. You will live on in all of those who were lucky to call you family.